Insecurities are something that grips us all at some point in our lives. Being insecure is normal if you are being treated badly, someone lies or cheats. After this happens you feel the least confident in yourself. No one goes into a relationship thinking that they are going to be insecure, but somehow it shows up and it can get pretty worrisome for you and your partner. There are some typical signs of being insecure, often times you think that things are just too good to be true or you feel that you are undeserving of someone this good and your insecurities manifest into self-sabotage. Let's discuss some common insecurities and ways to overcome them.
Usually when anxiety sets in you become worried about problems and begin to create problems where there are none at all. This time is called real versus fake. During this time you must distinguish what are the real problems and what you have created in your head. Usually when you look for problems, you tend to find exactly what you are looking for regardless if there is an issue or not. Be consciously aware of your tendency to do this and stop imagining and focus on reality. Try to make time to journal your thoughts of what's real and what's fake, being able to recognize what you are doing is a tremendous step toward self-awareness.
Don't try to read his mind and manufacture what he is thinking. This is a sure fire way to increase your anxiety level. If your partner says he'd rather hang out with his friends on Monday night to catch a football game, don't try to interpret what he said to mean that he does not want to spend time with you, because odds are even if he said nothing you would interpret that to mean something too. We all desire to have space and time with our thoughts and a sure fire way to have someone push away from you further is to constantly try to read their mind. By not doing this you will signify to him that you respect his privacy and boundaries with his own thoughts.
Have you ever met someone that instantly reminded you of someone else, so that person never stood a chance? If you do this in your current relationship, you will not find happiness or stability. If your past relationships were dishonest and abusive the tendency to be defensive and guarded in your new relationship is inevitable, even though your new partner may be nothing like your old partner. If you find that you are comparing old versus new partner, try to make a list of the negative aspects of your past relationship and then make a list of positive aspects of your new relationship. Review the list often and refer to it to remind you that your past does not have to define your future.
Focus on the good things in your relationship not the bad things. When you begin to feel anxious you tend to focus on the bad things and forget to take notice of all the good things that are happening around you. Notably, there will be ups and downs, there are in life and there will be in your relationship. Once you relax and recognize that being in a relationship is fun and exciting part of your life, you will see significant changes in your level of insecurity. There is no reason to be insecure if your relationship is truly good and your partner is loving, supportive and is fostering a healthy union with you.
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